The four Not-So-Noble Truths* about life are useful for all of us, particularly now. How we cope with change is determined by how we view what is happening to us, and whether we have the resources to cope. Here are a few principles that may help.. It’s an excerpt from my latest book, The Enjoyment Plan®.
Truth No. 1 – Shit Happens
Sometimes, shit just happens. In fact, things happen all the time. Often, we are at the source of the things that happen, and sometimes they have nothing whatsoever to do with our behaviour. Believing that none of it is because of you is just as problematic as believing all of it is because of you. Getting unhelpful outcomes as a result of our behaviour is something we can change. Getting unhelpful outcomes from other peoples’ behaviour is unfortunate, but an all-too-often reality.
Accepting that shit happens, pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.
Truth No. 2 – Everything Changes
Nothing is permanent. Thoughts can come and go, feelings can peak in intensity, like fear or grief, and then drop to a murmur, and rise again when our thoughts turn to the situation once again. Pandemics come and go, and intensity rises and falls. Rather than getting caught up in it, try and observe what is happening, and bring curiosity to it. Getting caught up messes with our heads and our hearts.
Moment by moment, things change, even if only subtly, but nothing stays the same.
Truth No. 3 – Don’t take it personally
Some unforeseen happening is visited on us, like a branch of a tree falling on our car, someone cutting us off in traffic, or a pandemic arriving by cruise ship. Making these things mean something about you, or wailing about why it’s happened to you, that you don’t deserve this, or it’s not fair, and going into an emotional meltdown is often unhelpful.
This is easy to say, but harder to do. We can get offended very easily, become upset when someone gives us feedback about our work performance, feel attacked when someone questions the behaviour of our children, or angry when we get a speeding ticket.
Being angry is like drinking a cup of poison, and expecting the other person to get sick.
Truth No. 4 – None of us are getting out of this life alive.
We have a finite existence. A beginning and an end. None of us know the manner of our ultimate demise, and this existential reality brings such possibilities for an enjoyable life; in fact, it demands it. The mere fact of you breathing in and out is something worth celebrating. As Jon Kabat-Zinn says, if you are breathing in and out, there is more right with you than wrong with you.
Even if you think your life sucks, pretty much any dead person would probably swap their situation for yours, even with all your dramas.
If you’d like to read more, there is a chapter about this in my book, The Enjoyment Plan®. Here is a link to the Amazon Kindle page.
*These not-so-noble truths are adapted and extended from Jon Kabat-Zinn’s Three Marks of Existence. Jon is a mindfulness guru, and creator of the Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) program.